


If I lose myself

by Loneghost13



Series: Late Night Calls [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Guilt, Heart-to-Heart, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Male-Female Friendship, Missing Scene, POV Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Romantic Friendship, Sad Pidge | Katie Holt, Spoilers for season 6, Voltron: Legendary Defender Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29605980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loneghost13/pseuds/Loneghost13
Summary: After defeating Lotor, losing the Castle of Lions, and bringing Shiro back, Keith finds himself unable to fall asleep. Once again, he ends up calling Pidge, this time to ask her something.
Relationships: Keith/Pidge (Voltron), Keith/Pidge | Katie Holt
Series: Late Night Calls [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2157852
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	If I lose myself

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the (longer) sequel for the other work in this collection, set a few weeks (for Pidge) or two years (for Keith) after _Stay the night_ , which in turn takes place at the end of Season 5.  
> Hope you all like it!
> 
> **I do not own Voltron or the characters that appear in this story, they belong to Lauren Montgomery and Joaquim Dos Santos.**

Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick…

Keith groaned and rolled over on his back, pulling the covers off himself in the process. Without opening his eyes, he focussed on the ticker's constant ticking, hoping the sound would eventually lull him to sleep.

Tick… Tick… Tick…

It didn't.

Throwing his arms up in frustration, the young half-Galra stared at the ceiling of the Black Lion's cargo hold with an annoyed expression.

_"What the hell is wrong with me? No matter how hard I try, I just can't fall asleep."_

Lying back on his makeshift bed with his gaze fixed on the dark ceiling, Keith found himself wondering if Pidge was awake too. During the twenty-four months he had spent traveling with his mom through the quantum abyss, which to Pidge had only been a few weeks, they had used to call each other quite frequently, usually at nights when neither of them could sleep.

_"Just like now."_

Having made up his mind, Keith got out of bed and left the cargo hold without even bothering to put his boots on, trying to walk as quietly as possible to not wake up Krolia. As he passed near the sleeping cosmic wolf, the wolf's ears automatically twitched at the sound of his footsteps, and his eyes opened. Standing up and without waiting to be called, the wolf disappeared in a flash of blue light and teleported to the Black Lion's cockpit, where he knew his master had gone.

Used as he was to his wolf sneaking up on him since he was a small pup, Keith suppressed a chuckle and turned around in his seat to look at him.

"Hey, buddy…" he said, extending a hand to pet the pale fur of his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up…" he apologized, scratching him behind the ears.

Staring back at him with his glowing yellow eyes, the wolf simply rubbed his muzzle against his master's forearm, silently assuring him it was okay. Smiling briefly, Keith gently gave his wolf one last pet before he turned his attention back to the holographic screen in front of him, while the cosmic wolf lied down on the floor once again with his head on his paws, curling his body around Keith's feet.

Reflexively cracking his knuckles, Keith let out a deep breath and pressed a virtual button on the purple-framed screen, activating the Black Lion's communication system. Instantly a small window appeared on the screen, showing the face of a brown-haired girl with familiar hazel eyes dressed in green pajamas.

"Hi, Pidge."

"Hey, Keith!" she greeted him, waving her hand at him. "I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep."

"Yeah well, that makes two of us." he said jokingly and asked. "By the way, what were you doing in your Lion's cockpit in the middle of the night?"

Pidge laughed and held up a game controller.

"Playing _Killbot Phantasm I_. I was trying to reach level 36 when you called."

"Sounds fun, I guess. I honestly have never played it." the boy admitted, running a hand through his black hair.

"Really? That's a shame… I could teach you how to play it if you want." she suggested.

"Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather not. Video-games were never one of my favorite hobbies, you know." he answered with a shrug.

"Oh, right, I forgot that you are more into swords, hoverbikes and…, let me think… getting into fights with anyone who looks at you the wrong way." the girl teased him, putting her controller away.

"Ha ha, very funny…" Keith said sarcastically. "You know what, if it weren't for I can't sleep, I would probably hang up on you right now, Pidge."

"Nah, we both know you wouldn't," she replied confidently. "you like me too much for your own good."

"If you say so…" he told her with a roll of his eyes, doing his best to ignore the wild beating of his heart.

Shifting slightly in her seat, Pidge bent her knees and brought them to her chest to make herself more comfortable.

"Anyway, as much as I like making fun of you, is there a reason why you called me in the middle of the night?" the girl asked, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and smiling nervously.

"Actually… Yeah." the boy said, leaning back in his seat. "After all that went down yesterday, I just realized that we never got the chance to talk about what happened with Shiro… I mean, Shiro's clone, back at the hangar."

"Oh, that…" murmured Pidge, dropping her smile. "Well, what about it?" she cut straight to the chase, holding his gaze with a somehow guarded expression.

"Okay, so I don't have a clear memory of what occurred right after the shooting ended, though I do recall seeing you going after Shiro when he was about to escape with Lotor in one of the ships. But then I heard their ship taking off and before we knew it the two of them were gone, just like that. So I guess I was just wondering why you couldn't stop them from escaping, considering you had your bayard with you and they were quite an easy target…" he explained awkwardly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I…I don't know." confessed Pidge, wrapping her arms around herself. "I… I mean, I was standing there with my bayard aimed at Shiro… I mean Shiro's clone, ready to shoot him, but then he looked at me dead in the eye, and I…" the girl gulped. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it. After all, it was Shiro, or at least that's what I thought at that moment. Guess I never considered he might have been a clone, huh…" she chuckled ruefully, and Keith saw a tear running down her cheek.

"Quiznak Pidge, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have…" he tried to say but the girl interrupted him.

"And the worst of it is that if I had just shot him, maybe none of this would have happened. It was my fault that Lotor escaped and that he almost destroyed Voltron and the entire universe, and it was my fault that you were almost killed trying to save Shiro…" her voice cracked and she stopped talking, turning her head to wipe the tears with her pajama's sleeve and facing away from the screen.

_"Oh quiznak, why did you have to bring this up to her in the first place, you inconsiderate jerk? I gotta find a way to fix this, I need to go talk to her…"_

As Keith was thinking this, he suddenly felt a tug on his black pants and everything around him became a blur. When all regained its focus, Keith found himself in the Green Lion's cockpit, staring at a wide-eyed Pidge. Next to him the cosmic wolf let go of the bottom of his pant leg and discreetly teleported himself back to the Black Lion, leaving them alone.

Keith sighed and took a step closer.

"Listen Pidge, I know I messed up and that I'm the last person you wanna see or talk to right now, but about what happened… It wasn't your fault…"

"Yes! Yes, it was." getting up out of her seat, she approached him, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "I missed my shot, I literally did, Keith. We both know if I hadn't hesitated you and Shiro wouldn't have…"

"You don't know that! And even if you were right, it doesn't matter." Keith told her, his heart aching at the sight of her tear-stained face. "It really doesn't, Pidge…" he repeated, this time a bit quieter. "Because I'm…"

But before he could say anything else, Pidge impulsively threw herself in his arms, hugging him tightly. For a moment Keith stood there frozen like a stone statue, until finally something clicked in his head and he returned the hug, pulling her close to him. The girl drew in a shaky breath and buried her head further in his chest, her tears staining his gray T-shirt.

"It's okay… It's okay, I'm here. Just let it all out." he whispered in a soothing tone, gently holding her as she cried.

He didn't know how much time they stood there, but after a while, her breathing became slower and less erratic and the tears ceased to flow.

"Better?" Keith asked softly and Pidge raised her head to meet his dark eyes.

"Uh-huh…" she murmured in a congested voice.

"You know," he began, casually brushing her hair out of her face, making her smile faintly. "coming to think of it, if it hadn't been for the virus you activated on Shiro's prosthetic arm, I wouldn't probably be alive right now. And if you had stopped Shiro's clone from escaping we would have never known that the real Shiro's soul had been trapped all this time inside the Black Lion's consciousness. So, if everything that happened was your fault, it doesn't mean that all of that had to be something bad, right?"

"I guess so…" Pidge sniffed, her arms still wrapped around his torso. Putting her head back on his chest, the girl closed her eyes and whispered against the fabric of his T-shirt.

"Thanks, Keith."

He smiled and rested his right cheek against her hair, breathing in her scent and closing his eyes as well.

"Anytime."

**Author's Note:**

> Song the title is based on: If I Lose Myself by One Republic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aFKSBO7F4g)  
> Songs I was actually listening to while I was writing the fic: Mess is Mine (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2YgQbb2kJU) and I'm With You (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fze0XQ6oUI), both by Vance Joy and Hurricane (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2RJUCexmGs) by Lifehouse


End file.
